The Struggle Babe

Anyone have that one drunken uncle that stumbles home at 3 am looking like a newborn fawn? Well my legs were absolutely that guy in a past life, though my Dr calls it Episodic Ataxia. It's Feb 28th  Rare Disease Day and while I have a few rare conditions I could talk about, I wanted to take a few moments to talk about Episodic Ataxia. I've spent the last 10+ years in the online chronic illness community and until being diagnosed last October Id never even heard of Ataxia, nobody seemed to be talking about it. Because its rare and definitely needs some awareness. I now know there are many types of Ataxia, its a genetic disorder that effects your central nervous system. Causing poor coordination, balance issues, dizziness, slurred speech and more. There is currently no cure but there are a few treatment options. I was diagnosed in 2018 but have been struggling for years with this "Drunken sailor" situation, at first thinking I was just clumsy which I hav...

Ive had some serious writers block weighing me down, like a concrete cinderblock around my neck. Its been months since I've written anything other then To Do lists that all manage to including writing as a task. How annoying to have all these unfinished to do lists. Thanks writers block and thanks stubborn brain that thinks its funny to put write on my to do list over and over again. I published my last post here in November just hours before my husband and I would get into a pretty life changing auto accident, in almost cosmic ironic fashion that post was about routine and learning to embrace it where it may improve your mental and physical health. Then BAM just like that my routine was gone as were my words and my will to write.  I'm not alone in this one either, my husband was writing prior to the wreck and after it both our words were replaced with images of the world spinning in slow motion, headlights coming at us in the dark and worries how we were going to get...

I've spent the large majority of my life fairly opposed to routine, daily habits that just kind of solidify a life of mundane boredom. at least that's how I viewed routine, it never occurred to me that routine could be will power and self control building. I also didn't stop to consider that having a pile of bad habits is a routine in itself. But here I am 36 years old, and learning all kinds of things on this topic now. Hey, better late then never. The big eye opener has been over the last year when I slowly realized that I felt much better when I followed certain routines and my ability to be productive also increased. Yet I just recently quipped "My body loves routine, even if my mind doesn't". But why wouldn't my mind love just about anything that would make me feel better overall? A crummy mindset that believed that routine was boorish so I couldn't possibly be mentally fulfilled by routine. Even ill-informed mindsets are habits that we allow...

Holy self doubt , Batman! I put myself through the ringer trying to write about my health. But August is Gastroparesis Awareness Month and since I was diagnosed with Gastroparesis officially in 2011, I cant let the month go by without at least saying a little piece on it. That self doubt comes into play when thinking I might have anything of any "value" to say on this topic, because most days I don't feel like ive got a good handle on this condition so how could I help someone else with it or to understand it? I don't know but here goes... I like to try and keep the tone on this blog as light as I can, but the funniest thing about Gastroparesis is NOTHING... There's just nothing funny about debilitating GI conditions. So for awareness sake What is Gastroparesis?: Gastroparesis is a condition that affects the normal movement of the stomach muscles and results in food remaining in the stomach for abnormally long time periods. Stomach muscle Paralysis o...

"You were BORN sick" my mother said to me over the phone a few years ago now. Id been telling her of my illness saga and that was all she could really say. My birth parents lost custody of me right before my 5th birthday so she was mostly clueless as to what my life had been and yet there was no surprise in her hearing of what I was going through and with that phrase "You were born sick" I suddenly realized something about my life that id hidden even from myself, Id been in denial about being a lifetime sick person. Like how does that even happen? In hindsight I can say, How does a person not notice they have been sick for nearly 30 years? Ninjas!!! Ok maybe not Ninja's but that would make this whole story easier to explain. So how do I give you a bit of history without boring you to tears? The cliff notes (But still a lot) version goes a little something like this: At 18 months I was hospitalized with a near deadly case of the measles, while visiting ...

I'm sure right now you are thinking "What do you mean happiness is a drag, have you lost your happiness hating mind." Yes, I'm 99.7% sure I have lost my mind but let me explain. Happiness as we all know is like the holy grail, we all in some way or another are in search for "Happiness" like its some sort of destination and once we've made it there we have been truly successful. Intellectually most of us realize that isn't the case at all and that happiness is moments, experiences and connections; they are what make life worth living. Beyond that even, happiness is neurotransmitters and chemicals Endorphins,Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin. You and your sunny disposition is a chemical cocktail my friend. This is were I find myself in a trouble area. Like everyone else I just want to be happy, though its never seemed to come as easily to me as it did my peers and always left me fairly quickly leaving anxiety and the dreaded "Feeling...

 But he may not have been "Shakespeare" either.. Ok ok I know that's just a conspiracy theory but its a fun and compelling idea that Shakespeare didn't actually write his plays and poems. But beyond that easy to fall down rabbit hole, he is known as the Master of  Comedy and Tragedy writing. Creating heartbreaking moments that transcended into the realms of so absurd you'd have to laugh. Voltaire and many other writers past and present have strived to prefect the art of mixing tragedy with comedy to the delight of readers for a long time...eons.... like forever really. While considering restarting this blog I kept asking myself " How do you make a sad story NOT sad?" Because I have many stories Id like to tell and there's a heaping crapton of sad in there unfortunately. But sad doesn't help people. I want my writings here to help people or have some value even if its just entertainment value. That's where I landed in Shakespeare's lap...